100 Million Dollar

Receiving promotional calls has become part of daily routine in my life. At times, it is maddening when the caller happens to be a telemarketing executive trying to sell product. There is no respite if you are an owner of cellular phone (or even any telephone) and you are alive. They start with, “Sir, can I take 2 minutes?” and these 2 minutes will be extended to multiple of 2 minutes, that too only if you commit the mistake of saying, “yes you can.”. In case you decline, the next question will be, “Sir, when can I call you?” escape is impossible. But as someone has said “Impossible is nothing”, thanks to my learned friend, who suggested me an easy way out. Just say, ”I stay in a village”, this will definitely put an end to this call and sequel of calls to follow. The only disclaimer that comes with the suggestion is, it may not work if you plan to stay alive for a century, because with the pace the villages are urbanized I do not think there will be any more rural area in India, devoid of concepts of credit cards, clubbing, insurance, etc.

Some days back, a lady tele-caller was trying to sell an add-on cellular phone connection. I said, “You have already called on one that I have, where is the need of another one?” pat came the reply “for your family, Sir”. I replied “my family does not stay in the city”, what surprised me was her next question, “do you stay alone sir?” I thought my innocence has landed me in an awkward position, before she could say anything else, as a measure of recovery, I quipped, “yup alone, but not ready for live-in”.

It is amusing to reverse the role, from prey to predator. The other day the executive on the other side was trying to sell personal loan and I almost choked him by saying I need 100 million dollars, after a pause he could only say, they cannot give in dollars (local currency is Rupee). I replied “Fine, convert it into Indian rupees and approve it as soon as possible, I am in desperate need of money”. After hearing this, I am sure, he must have experienced thumping of his heart against the chest wall and probably might have skipped beats as well. If this anxiety was not enough, the icing on the cake was in the offing, “I need the money intrest free” was the last thing he could take from me. For me, it was straight ace, game, set and match. I never heard from him again.

Not all days are same, you win some you lose some. I remember in one such call, this smart executive was successful in selling me accident policy. Hindsight, I feel he convinced me easily by saying, I can put the policy on test for 2 months and then decide, and for the first 2 months the charges will be nominal. Human psychology, test everything before buying. Dumb me, how on earth can I test an accident policy, that would mean I have to involve myself in accident. And I have to gaze the measure of dismemberment accurately so that it falls in the prescribed or described policy coverage. Even thinking of testing is life threatening, forget about putting it into place. Nevertheless, I continued the policy for a year before I decided to get a rid of it by replacing it with rider over a life insurance policy.

The other calls that I receive frequently is for buying club membership, the easy answer to avoid or decline such calls are by stating that I am going out of country on long term. The executive will not continue the conversation anymore, but if by chance, of inquisitiveness they ask “where?” I say “Afghanistan”. I can bet none of the reputed clubs have their branches in war toned country. The immediate requirement of this beautiful country is food, water and not place of amusement. Whenever I get such calls, I am reminded of an old mate, he was very excited to own a membership of one of the well known clubs in the city. For first couple of months he had lot of good things to share about the facilities and hip crowd (especially the fairer sex) of the club, later I observed the stories vanishing and also noticed dark circle around his eyes. I hope it is neither because of excessive club usage nor excessive membership fees (too expensive to handle). All of it came to an abrupt end when he finally decided to part away from the exclusive membership, except God he is the only one who knows why he called it off at the cost of the hip people of the club. I guess he also understood the importance of food and water before luxurious amusement.

Above all, I must confess, I am grateful to one such executive named Claimant, because he was the one who sold me the life insurance policy and I eventually started planning for my future by investing. Never before, I ever thought, I will need a life insurance policy in future, even though I read, Aesop’s fable “The Ant and the Grasshopper” quite a number of times. I felt this was the only time when both of us were winner and I was happy to be a victim of tele-call. Symbiotic association in true sense.