Life on D-Day

It was a mid-summer dawn. I woke up with the regular gurgling and subdued whistling of mynas. Mother Nature remained faithful even on this day, by giving me the wake up alarm. My quarter was in the campus, which was near the bank of river Hooghly and was greener than other parts of the suburb. As a result, I had the opportunity to see Mother Nature up close, cradling in her bosom, a diverse variety of insects, birds and animals. This morning, albeit pleasant as any other, still was very different. I have been long waiting for this day, but on this very day lots of unfinished thoughts are creeping into my mind and preying on my brain cells.
Usually my day begins with a morning walk, followed by little work at home dusting, cleaning, after refreshing, a small breakfast and ready for office. This day, too, was unfolding in the same manner. Reached office sharp on time (as usual), after exchanging greetings with colleagues and subordinates, settled down on my chair, still the precipitancy of thoughts plundering my nerves, disallowing me to concentrate on my task, which includes daily follow up with all pending cases, going through the duty roster, planning for the coming week and interacting with people (part of job of a person posted in a liaison unit). In came Robi-da with his never-ending smile, served my cup of tea in his natural style, a half salute and “Shu-probhat Sir” (Shu-probhat means Good Morning). In last 2 years, I have never seen Robi-da grumbling or cribbing about anything in life, a man of strong character, today didn’t seem like his day. Is it just my feeling that I can easily make out, although he was smiling but he was trying to hide his grim face? Day started and I got caught up with an important task and all those thoughts sprinted off my mind. Whoever came to office today for official purpose came to see me, as if everybody knew the significance of this day in my life.
I was craving for this freedom from arduous life, to do something for myself, to do something out of the normal streamlined schedules. Today, when I am so close to my life’s unfulfilled desire, conflicting thoughts are pinning me, on whether was it right 6 months back, when I denied signing the continuation of service agreement to stay for 5 more years and accepted a voluntary retirement. Perhaps, my decision was right. I had spent a large share of my life serving – serving to different needs of family. Everybody’s wishes have almost been fulfilled and now its turn to repay myself of the hard work of past almost three decades. Till this time I earned my wages, today will be earning my discharge and tomorrow, freedom with all savings of a government official, pension. A few more hours and then I will have all the time in the world. There will no need to race against time, no work pressure. But if I have no work, then, how will I pass my whole day? Probably, I will spend more time with family. Family? But everyone will be engaged with their own work. Who will have time for me? I might be a foreigner in my own home, a stranger in abnormal hours. Oh my God, I have never come across such bizarre thoughts in my life ever.
Morning comes, Mother Nature will again ring her alarm, but alas, this will never be an early wake up call for me, nothing will change in my office, except my presence on duty, around my people, Robi-da’s smile and a half salute. My desk, chair and cupboard in office, everything will be in the same position, except my position.
By the end of the day I was almost through with handing over my charges to one of my colleagues. Everybody in my department was waiting for the get-together that was arranged just to see me off on my last day. Gathering turned gloomy in minutes as if performing last rites of a departed soul. Even though I was trying to change the topic of discussion but everything was in vain. That is when I realized that my thoughts and speech are inseparable. At this hour, on lighter note, the only quote which I am reminded of is by Mark Twain: “There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.”